Journal Jar Prattle #3

I had an hour to do absolutely NOTHING (WOW- I know) and decided that I would write about something from my Journal Jar. So I took the jar off my dresser, dusted it off cause even the paper inside was dusty. (This tells you how long I haven't touched the thing). I look inside and see Starburst wrappers. Apparently someone thought it was a mini garbage can. Oh the wonder of a child's mind. Someday I'll write about it.
Maybe....Someday....

Here's the question: What regrets do you have about your life? Why?

Well, regrets are easy to write about. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe because hindsight is 20/20. Or maybe because it's easier to see one's life with the should have/could have's. Either way, I have just a few, which I suppose is better than having too many. Though I'm not about to list them all for you. One has to have some anonymity. Full disclosure is only good at certain times. (wink)

In high school I was fairly quiet, at least to those who didn't know me. However,if you knew me and we hung out, you would never think this. I was too concerned with being perfect- acting perfect, looking perfect, that I think I missed out on a lot of great relationships. Especially one with myself. Maybe this is why I like the movie "Never Been Kissed" because she gets a second chance to go back to high school, but undercover. She gets to redo the awful experience that she had when she was actually IN high school. Granted, I never was picked on or had a bad experience, I just didn't live it to the fullest. I guess that's the regret- that I didn't live my life to its fullest in my youth.

If I could go back, I wouldn't be so concerned with what others thought and just had fun. The irony is, when you're being yourself, and not what you think others want you to be, people gravitate toward you. THAT'S when you come to learn about yourself. That's what makes people like you. When you're genuinely you. So to sum it up, I wish I could go back and be 'genuinely me.' Though now that I'm thinking about it, maybe those experiences that I've had since high school are the ones that have made me who I am today. I suppose that I would like to be the person I am now back when I was younger. I think I would have had so much more fun! But we can only be who we are at THAT particular time. All the experiences and happenings that we've had up to that time make us who we are, AT THAT TIME. Maybe it's a good thing we can't go back. I might be prone to kick a couple of butts! So kudos to those of you who were genuine yourselves in your youth. I bet you had lots of friends! And really, that's what it's all about.

I also wouldn't have left one of my dates on my doorstep stunned. He had leaned in to kiss me, but I SOOO didn't want him to and so I grabbed the door knob behind me with the hand that was behind my back and practically fell into my house! I bid him goodnight and shut the door. I peeked through the peephole to see if he was still there, and HE WAS. Staring at the door with this stunned look on his face like "I can't believe that just happened to me." Needless to say, he avoided me like the plague for WEEKS. I did feel really bad, but what could I say that would make it better? "Look dude, I just didn't feel like pressing my lips to yours, especially after you were so handsy during the haunted house?" Yeah, like that would've helped his ego heal! Anyway, he kept tabs on my via my sister, who came to be very annoyed after some time. In his defense though, he really was a great guy. There were a couple of other girls that wanted to date him, but there just wasn't any chemistry after the 2nd date on my part. A girl should never lead a guy on right? I was just doing him a favor right?

Irregardless, I do still feel bad about that. I suppose I could've ended the date better, but really..I was seventeen. I wasn't all that with it then. See, that's why I would love to go back now! What perspective I would have! What incisiveness I would exhibit! Of course, the guys would all avoid me like the plague as I would most likely be lecturing them that they really should not kiss a girl on the second date. I know my girls will NEVER do such a thing. NEVER.