Back in the Saddle Again....

"Back in the saddle again..."  Yes, I did actually hear Roy Rogers in my head singing that song.  There is usually a song lyric that I can apply to some part of my life.

It's true.

I realized the other day that I hadn't blogged since January?  Or was it February?  Well, either way, it's been too long.  And as I was in the "wondering" process the other day, I asked myself why that is? 

It's not that I don't love to write....cause I do.  It's not that I don't think it's good to chronicle one's life...cause I do.  It's not because I feel guilt over not blogging slash journaling...cause this blog is my way of journaling.  (Note to self:  ask Doug to PDF the last year of my blog.  It's nice to look back on what's transpired in my life and actually have it in print).  It finally occurred to me, in that split second thinking that we all do but actually takes 10 minutes to write, that the reason I haven't blogged is because of Facebook.  Yes, I said it.... Facebook.  About the time I got on Facebook in February, I quit blogging.

So why am I back?  Well guilt really.

No, not really.  I'm feeling the need to write my thoughts down, to chronicle in words on "virtual paper" what transpires in my day to day, week to week... to find that emotional outlet that sometimes only writing gets me, irregardless of whether anyone reads this.  I will have had the emotional therapy, even if it's just shameless rambling :)

So here goes another attempt at trying to do something for any period of time.  And honestly, I'm just letting go of the photography challenge.  I had forgot about it, which is sad, but now I simply have no time.  And if that isn't the best excuse ever, I don't know what is.

Here's where I'm at:

Homeschooling.

Kids.

Teenagers.

Life.

Activities.

Church responsibilities.

Extracurricular activities.

Feeling somewhat overwhelmed.

As I was brushing my teeth this morning - a lot of my contemplation in the morning is done while brushing my teeth.  Perhaps it's the mindlessness of the activity as I simply let my sonicare do all the work-  I suddenly was confronted with the thought that although my life is hectic, I wouldn't change it for the world.  My thoughts regressed to an article posted on facebook about a mom with young kids who was tired of hearing how much she was going to miss having young kids, and that she should enjoy it.  This young mom was a bit miffed about it.  Should she enjoy dirty diapers, temper tantrums, etc... all the "stuff" that goes into being a mom of young kids?

I thought about her comments as I continued reading as she made many valid points, but this morning as this article came to mind, I realized that I may say something like that to someone when my own kids are gone.  Not to say that we should enjoy dirty diapers, temper tantrums, but what I wouldn't give to have my kids go down for naps in the middle of the afternoon!!  Am I right???  :)  Then I got to thinking that yes, I did change diapers, (many tens of thousands of diapers I'm sure!), and I did lose my temper with the child throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of store as she lay prostrate on the ground..(yes that did happen)...or when we got to the store only to find that one child has no shoes (!?!)...  and yes I do remember some of those times, but they are not really what I remember.  I remember the fun things they did, the first time my oldest daughter put her arms around me for the very first hug.  I remember how that felt.  I remember the milestones that my children reached...I remember the funny things that they said..(though I wish I'd wrote more down)... these are the things that I remember.  I wonder if I did enough, if I taught them enough, if I gave of myself enough.  Maybe that's why so many people whose kids are grown say to young mothers, "Cherish it.  It goes so fast."  It was said to me too.  And I didn't believe it.  There was no way this baby toddlerhood was going to go fast, I thought. 

(At this point my toothbrush beeps, signaling me to pay attention and switch to the teeth on the lower jaw.)

But it did.  And it does.  So even though I decided a long time ago that whatever phase of life we were in, I was going to enjoy it as much as I could, because time really does get away.  This time that I get to share with Zak, just him and me at home, is priceless.  Even through the days of whining and tantrums, or the complaining that "it's just too hard mom!", I'm convinced I will look back and wonder where all that time went.  And as much as I feel the weight of his education on my shoulders, specifically anything to do with reading/writing/spelling, I have to remember that it's one day at a time.  One thing at a time.   One concept at a time.  We'll get there.  He and I will get there together, and when he finally reads I think it will be a hallelujah moment for me.  I'm sure I will break down and cry and feel the pride that sometimes only a mother can feel because he and I will have worked and sweated and bled to get him there.  Because isn't that part of why we're here?  To share in each other's joys, to help each other along?  His accomplishment will be mine as much as it is his. 

And I cannot wait. :)