Scout Camp

So Doug was at scout camp these past couple of days. Which is fine, really. I think because of tax season I just get used to having all the kids to myself, with no reprieve. But I still missed him! But here's the thing: he's up at camp with a bunch of boys and men, which typically means somewhat of a structured free for all. Guys just don't worry about getting mucky and dirty and sweaty when they're with a bunch of other males. However, I wasn't prepared for the all encompassing dirt that was brought home to me.

Doug was so STANKEY that I almost didn't want to hug him. Almost. I hadn't seen him for a couple of days, so I sucked in my breath and gave him a hug. Usually I get big hugs in return, but all I got was a light kiss and a hug. I thought, "what gives?" Doug knows I have a thing for sweat- I HATE IT, and he knows it, and he always tries to make me touch him when he's soaked his shirt from being at the gym. He thinks this is mildly amusing. I, however, DO NOT. So when I got nothing more than a quick hug and a kiss, but lots of chatter, I was faintly surprised.

Come to find out, my sweetheart, the guy who swept me off my feet, the father of my children, hadn't changed his clothes in 2 days. 2...DAYS!!! If I knew how to change my font on this I would blow those words up to mega huge. TWO DAYS. Who does that? I asked him if he was the only one that decided to throw personal hygiene to the birds, cause let's face it, they're cleaner, or if it was one of those male bonding things, the kind where your stench bonds to another and it suddenly stops smelling? Honestly, I don't know how people procreated back then, when there was only baths, and even then the water went through like 5 people. He informed me that a couple ot the boys actually showered (they had showers and nobody else used them?!!)but most of the boys didn't shower the ENTIRE WEEK, and some didn't change their clothes either. Yes, let that sink in. If this had been a bunch of women, there would have been mandatory, SCHEDULED shower time.

After hearing this, I thought about how Doug had almost taken my car up to scout camp. Can you imagine the stench that would have permeated my vehicle? Really, can you? Cause I can! My dad was scout master for YEARS, and I know exactly what that smells like. It's not pretty people. I still think how lucky I got past this one. I would've been spraying my car for weeks with air freshener. Unfortunately, they did borrow the Andrus' excursion, and although Doug took it through the car wash before he gave it back, there's just no getting rid of that SMELL. I'm truly sorry for the Andrus family.

Suffice it to say, we're all thrilled Doug is back, but most especially, I am thrilled that he is showered. NOW I have my man back!

However, as he was shaving, he got too close and shaved off part of his goatee (I think goatees on the right man are so sexy) and so now he is sporting the biker dude look. It's not pretty. He really does look like a hard nosed biker with his head shaved and this new, I don't even know what to call it. His new 'chin do.' If you see him on Sunday and he still has it, tell him you think it's ugly so he'll shave it.

But he had a great time, and that's really all that matters right?

July 15th!! Oh Happy Day!

Do you notice the orange juice stain and the no underwear? Yep, that's our Zak!!
I was in Costco yesterday and passed by the stacks of boxes of diapers. It seemed as if they were saying, "Wait, don't walk by. You still need uuusssss....." I just thumbed my nose at them and said "ha-ha, NO I DON'T!!!" 10 years later, we are finally diaper free. Maybe not pull-ups free, a must for night time, but definitely diaper free! And it feels sooo GOOD!

This is so Zak! My unwilling model.

Funny for the Day

My sister sent this in an e-mail to me today, and I thought it was so humorous that I had to share via my blog. I've related many times to some of this that you're about to read, which may be why I find this extremely amusing. I especially like to laugh at LDS culture, just because it's so dear to me, and really, sometimes we just need to laugh at ourselves. I especially like to laugh at myself, as it keeps my head from remaining in the clouds for too long. I hope you enjoy it and don't take offense. If you do, don't tell me. I really don't wanna know!

Only in Utah would this be printed in the Salt Lake Tribune!!


Robert Kirby
Tribune columnist
Salt Lake Tribune


Most Sunday mornings, you'll find me on a pew in the Rosecrest 1st Ward chapel. It's where I'm supposed to go to church. Lucky for me, it's also where I want to go. Technically, Mormons don't have a choice. For church, we're bound by the geography of the ward.

We worship where we live. The only time Mormons can switch wards without also contacting a Realtor is when we attend specialty wards. For example, I went to a Spanish-speaking ward in West Jordan for a while.

Specialty wards allow members with specific common needs to worship together and support each other in their exclusive part of the Lord's vineyard. There are (or have been) lots of LDS specialty wards, including singles wards, college wards, deaf wards, ethnic wards and nudist wards.

OK, I made up that last one.

There are even seasonal 'snowbird wards' in places where Mormon RV owners congregate. I talked it over with my friend (despite a restraining order) Ken Wallentine.

We think the specialty-ward idea needs to be improved on in our ever-changing and increasingly divided culture. For example, there needs to be a late ward, a ward Mormons who are perpetually late for church could attend and not feel bad about dragging their herd in 15 minutes late. The only problem with a late ward would be showing up late for a meeting that was supposed to start late in the first place. Eventually, you would end up with a ward that ran out of time before it started. 'Welcome to the Tardy 3rd Ward, brothers and sisters. We will close now by singing hymn No. 145.'

Given the high birthrate among Mormons, I thought about the need for maternity wards. Except that we already have those.

They're called married student wards.



A Star Trek ward might do well. The bishop would preside from 'the bridge' instead of the stand. High-council Sunday would be referred to as a 'Klingon Sunday.'

Harley riders congregate to the exclusion of just about everyone else. Why not an LDS biker ward? White shirts and neckties go well with black leather. Ken really wants to attend a concealed-weapons ward. He says church would be a lot more interesting if real personal risk were involved in disagreeing with a lesson.


There could be a texting ward for teenagers. Bear your testimony with your thumb. In 25 years, they'll all belong to carpal-tunnel wards. At the less-active ward, maybe there'll be a meeting and maybe there won't.


Testimony meeting in an anger-management ward might be interesting. Nobody's going to sleep through, 'Hey! I know the church is true, you stupid #*&@s!'


I think a Democrat ward is a good idea, although in Utah the best we could probably hope for is a Democrat branch.