Better than a tiki hut in Bora Bora

Some of you have heard me talk about getting away to Tahiti or a tiki hut in Bora, Bora when life gets stressful. I haven't been really stressed today, that was last week. However, I happened to have an hour and a half to myself. To myself.

MYSELF.

Zak went to preschool at 9:15, and I dropped Andon off to Kindergarten at 10. I didn't have to pick up Zak until 11:45 so as I walk in the door after having dropped Andon off, I wondered what I was going to do with myself. I thought, "I should really work on my lesson for RS." But then I decided to watch a movie. Yep, I listened to the little red guy on my shoulder this time. I NEVER GET TO WATCH A MOVIE WITHOUT THERE BEING SOME SORT OF CHAOS. (Notice that in all caps.)

So I fast forwarded the first half hour so that I could get it done by the time I had to pick Zak up. But that's okay. It was UNINTERRUPTED, and I'd seen it a million times.

So I put it on, and I'm almost ashamed to admit this part, but since I have no shame I'll share my gluttony with you all- I ate TWO bowls of Captain Crunch with Crunchberries, (cause this is really the best one, the plain captain crunch just doesn't cut it), a rice krispy treat, (okay, I ate TWO. Don't be that shocked.), AND I had chips and salsa. I know, truly this is probably making you hurl, and it in no way goes together as food should, but I'll tell you what- I DIDN'T HAVE TO SHARE! And in my defense, I didn't have breakfast that morning, so this was a sort of brunch.

So there you have it. I'm sure you're vomiting, but my hour and a half was FAN-TABULOUS. I look forward to tomorrow. I wonder what I'll do tomorrow? More importantly, what will I eat and not have to SHARE tomorrow?

Oh, the wonderfully endless possibilities! They said that life got a bit easier when kids got older and were off to school. Usually I don't put much stock in the "THEY," cause really, who are "they?" And how come they have such clout? But you know what, it is easier in some ways. But "THEY" weren't right in one thing: the more kids you get in school the more homework you do. I went through school already. Why do I have to go through it 4 MORE TIMES??????

I think I'll pose that question to "they."

Email Thoughts

A friend emailed this list of his thoughts to me the other day, and I since I laughed so hard I thought I would share this so that you too can have a good laugh. Laughter always makes me feel lighter, as if all the stress just suddenly evaporates with the euphoria of a good joke, even if it's only as long as the laughter lasts. I don't really know, but I would believe it 100% if it's proven that the brain chemistry changes when one laughs. Maybe the endorphins released are 10 times greater than normal. I would believe it. I always feel better when I laugh. And the less I think of myself, which, let's face it, is ALWAYS a good thing.

So here's to a good funny- (picture me toasting a diet coke with lemon)

"May we always appreciate, and never waste, a good laugh."

So here goes: (and hopefully you'll read through the whole thing so that your euphoria can last a few moments. And if you read REALLY SLOWLY, then you might even be able to prolong it a couple of minutes:)

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent some jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Hopefully you got to the bottom and you're laughing. I found all of these to be so true to myself and perhaps that's why I think it's funny. Maybe that's the trick- being able to laugh at oneself. It's always less offensive anyway:)